God's Design for a Healthy Marriage

The reading for today can be found here. Alternately, the gospel reading can be found here (Jn 20:1-2, 11-18)

Many people have wondered why it was a woman that found the empty tomb, and first encountered the risen Christ. The various gospels differ slightly on exactly who was at the empty tomb first, but they are unanimous in describing them all as women. Why all women?

St. Paul tells us in Corinthians (15:21-22), "For since by a man came death, by a man also came the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ all will be made alive." In other words, death entered the world through the sin of Adam, but resurrection and salvation entered upon the fullness of obedience of Jesus Christ.

Inasmuch as Eve led Adam into sin, so the women that encountered the empty tomb led the disciples to the risen Christ, and forgiveness of sins.

God's design for a healthy marriage is Him prompting and leading her, and the husband follows the wife. The husband is given authority over the wife not for bossing her around. It is to restrain her if she should be deceived, or follow an evil conscience. Let's look in a little bit of detail before exploring some biblical examples.

Women tend to be more open to the workings of the Spirit than men. After all, it was a male dominated society and religion that was so sure the messiah would be a military conqueror to set the Jews free from Roman oppression. In their conviction, they completely missed His Grace.

By contrast, one of the most common complaints of men about women is that they constantly change their minds. Generally, women are either more open to new things, or comfortable changing a prior decision, or both.

Broad, sweeping generalizations are never accurate for all cases, or even most. If you are married or in a relationship, take some time to consider how this dynamic plays out for you. How does your spouse or significant other reveal Christ to you?

How does this play out in the bible? The first example that comes to mind is a negative example, but it still provides some clues. Despite the fact that God forbade Adam and Eve to eat of the fruit of the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the serpent tricks Eve into eating. And she gives fruit to Adam, who also eats.

Why did the serpent not trick Adam first? He was made first. It seems as if satan knows God's design. If he can convince the woman, the man will follow. That is how men are made; they are constantly pursuing women. This remains true today, it is an expression of how God made men. But, as with everything else that God made, men express it in many ways that He never intended.

Later in Genesis, God promises to Abram that He will give him a son. But Abram and Sarai become impatient during the wait. She gives her Egyptian servant to Abram to get the process going. And Abram listened to Sarai!! The fruit of the union of Abram and Hagar was Ishmael.

This is amazing! Abram is the Father of Faith! And yet he follows his wife into a lack of faith, taking matters into their own hands that God had already promised to provide. Sarai leads Abram into lack of faith, and he willingly follows. What's more amazing, though, is that neither are punished by God. Rather, He extends the second promise (descendents as numerous as the stars) to Ishmael as well, despite the fact that he is the fruit of lack of faith.

What a generous and gracious God! Perhaps His response is so kind to demonstrate to future generations that obedience to His plan, even unwittingly by Abram following Sarai, bears His fruit.

Interestingly, this is the pattern that Abram's family would demonstrate for all the ages. Abram is the Father of Faith. His son Isaac (from Sarah) represents obedience, prefiguring Jesus Christ by carrying the wood for the sacrifice and willingly participating as the sacrifice. Isaac's son Jacob represents God's Grace. The formula is faith + obedience = grace. More on this in another post.

There is yet another interesting example of this in the book of Genesis. After Isaac is born, Sarah no longer wants Hagar and Ishmael around. She tells Abraham to send them away. Consider how difficult it would be to send away your first son and his mother. Especially since it was Sarah's idea to have a son that way to begin with!!

But God confirms what Sarah asks!! That is an interesting choice for an all-loving God. Or did He prompt Sarah with those feelings to begin with? And here we see Abraham's mighty faith again, trusting his son and the boy's mother to God.

These are a few examples of wives leading husbands into situations, with divine results. I encourage you to think about it, pray about it, and see about His design for your relationship. There is nothing more satisfying and intimate than to pray privately for something, then find your spouse spontaneously leading you into it.